TW: Periods (for anyone who doesn’t want to hear about periods)
Why is my period always such a surprise to me? I’ve been a pretty regular kind of girl all my life so it usually rocks up around the same time every month. I have a contraceptive implant but I still bleed and it’s usually a bad scene every second or third month.
But beyond the bleeding, which this isn’t really about, is the mood. I don’t know why I forget every month that PMT is a thing. I find myself lacking patience (more than normal), experiencing high anxiety and when it’s particularly bad, a total inertia. I get caught up in my own fog and that’s when the irrational thoughts come out to play. Does anyone else have those? Mine are usually centered around what I’m doing with my life, how I’ll never amount to anything and how tired I am.
I send out SOS texts to my friends and then… the dawn breaks. The tell tale blood and I realise all along: I’m not having a breakdown yet – it’s just menstruation! What fun. I typed a couple of posts up this week about how rotten I’ve been feeling within myself – how ugly I feel, how sick I am of the lockdown weight gain rhetoric* – and I just didn’t have the energy to see them through. Boo hoo, I have minor self-esteem issues just like every other person on the planet.
So I’m riding this one out, trying not to snap at every single person I speak to today – and I’m waiting for my period to turn up. It’ll be here soon and there will be a relief in it – then I’ll do what I do best. Pull up my big girl (period) pants, get out the Lindt salted caramel milk chocolate – and get on with my life.
Until next month…
*I’ll stick a pin in this one I think.
Ps. I don’t use tampons, never have – never will!