For reasons I’ve been keeping this one on the DL more than I normally would. While I am super super excited about the news, it hasn’t really been mine to share until now. My enthusiasm might even strike you as out of character given my vocal feelings towards children (generally ICK) but…
I’m an aunt!
An actual, official first time aunt – and I am so happy about it. Max was born on Friday morning weighing 8lbs 3oz (the Martin babies have historically been hefty buggers) and he is 100% perfect. We haven’t been able to meet him yet – and might not be able to for a while given current COVID restrictions but I cannot wait to hold him. Although I never hold people’s babies because a) I’m not interested and b) I’m terrified of such small things so it might take a little mental prep before I do that.
It’s a very alien scenario to find myself in, if I’m honest. I’ve never had the maternal itch and I’m very happy with my decision not to procreate. There was only relief when G and I realised we were on the same page about children and although strangers just love to offer unsolicited advice/comment to childless womxn (but never men), I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.
Being an aunt is going to be brilliant, I know it. I feel like I’ve been waiting for Max all my life but didn’t know it. I knew my brother and his wife wanted kids eventually and it always felt like a good thing they did as I’ve honestly always felt guilty for not giving my mother grandchildren. Stupid reason for me to have babies though. Now their son is here and it’s feels incredible.
I have to admit it’s been kind of bittersweet too. It’s hard not to be together during such a momentous occasion and it’s so unfair Max will never meet his grandfather on our side. That sucks the most and it’s made me feel sad as well as ecstatically happy this weekend. Life blows but still we move and somewhere, somehow I trust Dad is with us.
I’m going to spoil the fuck out of my nephew. Anything he needs I’m there. If anyone ever hurts him, I’ll kill them. It’s a very primal feeling and I like it. Maybe it’ll soften me in ways I’ve never imagined – or maybe it will remind me that although motherhood was never for me, aunthood is my true calling in life.
I’m also quite sure the role comes with a certificate and badge that I can pin jauntily to my breast and wear with honour for the rest of my days. If not, I’ll make my own.
Love you already Max.